Zero Thought

I won't believe but how can't I believe in what they say. Something that paralyze me. Pushing me to do something that will hurt me. They say : "You'll be hurt for a while, but then you'll be healed soon. You're too young. You have long long journey! You should be careful, be aware. Chose the best one! Bla bla bla . . ."

Oh goshh . . It keeps me considering about that. This isn't an one nite thought. This could hundred years thought! And I don't care if I'm Stuck! Everyday I feel the same way, It won't change until I do what they say! Yeah, do something that it will give me so much painful. Well, I know. Yes, I know. I know that I did mistake. Then, I could fix that! This is my good intention.

Now a days, I face these circumstances. More and more they say : "These are caused by your mistakes!" Aaarrgghhh . . . . Sucks! I really need to take a rest guys! You all are giving me such a giant attack, and it's so much exhausted.

-to be continued-

Shocking Inspiration ^^

I call it "Shocking Inspiration". Yeah, how can't I say it so? It came in all of a sudden when i took a bath this morning. But, Oh My My! This is brilliant :-). You know what guys?! I can feel that something has risen me up. "Please, wake up .. wake up .. ! You have no time to dissolved in your bad, bad, bad troubles in your mind!" I'm a jerk. I can only cry and what?! This is unsolved. Well, okay! It's not the perfect time to vent what is actually on my thought!

But, let me tell you about something brilliant. Hahahaha .. I like it (Aksen e koyok Rianti Cartwright pas ngomen peserta IMB, hehe)

Bagaimana tidak? Aku merasa jadi zombie sekarang, mati orep maneh ngono loh reek! I Thank Thee for this ^_^ Bapa Surgawi, trimakasih atas sedikit pencerahan ini.

Guys, do you have any idea of what i'm going to share here?

Hhehe . simply i'll tell you. SONGS.

Aku menyampaikan sejuta apresiasiku untuk berlaksa-laksa musisi yang melanglang buana di dunia fantasi mereka bahkan dalam sebuah realita yang menggila demi mendapatkan sebuah "mind" yang segar dan siap untuk "disemburkan". Tak jadi masalah, apakah mereka "advance" dalam memainkan alat musik or whatever they call it "gadungan". But, I stand all amazed by you guys. Thanks :'>

Terkadang, aku sering mengumpat kata-kata yang tak pantas untuk sejenis boy band yang aku anggap banci (maaf.. maafkan aku..) atau band dengan personil yg nggak karu2an style nya (katakan saja KANGEN, maaf ya KANGEN menurutku itu memuakkan) , tapi aku tahu itu adalah such a prominent things, and you don't wanna be a follower. Hahahah .. Bright idea. Good for you :-p

Ada juga yang bergaya nyentrik dengan modal gaya yang "sante saja" atau beberapa orang mengatakan : "Saya terinspirasi oleh band ini , atau musisi ini. Saya meniru gaya mereka, tapi kami tetap punya taste tersendiri. " Sebut saja J-Rocks dengan Larc and Ciel atau Bob Marley dengan Mbah Surip. (Hahahahahahah , Tak gendong Kemana-mana .... Assek!)

Ada satu komen yang ingin aku sampaikan pada Mbah Surip : Mbah, suwon yo sudah meramaikan Indonesia dengan lagu unik dan gaya nyentrikmu. Mugi-Mugi Mbah Surip tasik saged berkarya ten mriko. Oh iyo ngerti nggak mbah? Lagune sampeyan disetel bendino ambek bojoku ndek kantor (Setahun yang lalu waktu di SIP,red). It is nice to be remembered.

Lanjut ==> Lagu dengan Aransemen yang Dahsyat (menurutku) seperti Home-nya Dream Theater atau liriknya yang sangat menggugah hatiku (sedikit lebay, maaf :-p) dalam lagunya yg berjudul Spirit Carries On. Such a beautiful lyric, seems like Victoria becomes real imagination (hhehm, wes aaa! dua kata yang mungkin akan membuatmu bingung untuk menganalogikan). Owh, How Ironic!

I just wonder how can they improve those things become a real good song to listen. One more, I appreciate it. This is one of a great art. God has made it for you and me. Color these world with your song, inspired by these and those circumstances which is really happening now a days.

Oh iya satu lagi! Aku iling bojoku maleh an , hehehe ... (Maaf ya pa, bukannya aku sok ngelupain. Habis kebanyakan inspirasi neyh, hehe .. I love You ..) Aku tak kan pernah berhenti membuatnya stop berkarya! Sebuah lagu yang pernah ia tulis dengan aransemen yang metal (melow total) bertemakan cinta 2 insan yang ingin menyatukan rasa, yahh .. cinta .. loe lagi .. loe lagi! xixixi. Ooh indahnya . . . aransemen yang terinspirasi dari Power Metal ==> Power Melow Total (jhahahahahah ... maaf, ini sepertinya lebih cocok. Ooops , maafkan atas kekhilafanku :-p). Sangat indah lagumu sayang, sedikit memuakkan ketika aku tahu itu bukan lagu untukku, hehehe .. Maaf yah kalau aku egois, Tapi I'm proud of you ...

... dua hati satu ...

bercumbu di langit biru

ditiup sang bayu

semilir menyapaku, oww... yeahh..

melayang tinggi

temani sunyi sepi ini

....

... dua hati satu ...

Kurang lebih seperti ini liriknya. I wish I could write the whole lyric of this song here. The sweet meaning of this song, I love it.

Ini contoh sederhana kawan, lagu adalah sebuah seni yang indah. Meskipun beberapa lagu kedengaran membuatmu ingin muntah. Loh knapa? La ya iya no ... Ada yang disebut-sebut plagiat lah ... Lagu yang menyesatkan, atau lirik yang berkonten porn atau violence. Aaah .. whatever! I believe you have your own type. And you know how to love it ^_^

Sepertinya cukup untuk hari ini, maaf jika ada kata-kata yang ngawur dan mungkin membuatmu tersinggung. (Heheheh , wayahe formal iki rrek!) But, overall ... aku lega, aku puas bisa menyemburkan sesuatu disini. Judul post Shocking Inspiration ini mungkin terdengar aneh. Tapi, seaneh apapun yo iki dadine rrek! Wes gak usah protes , hahahah ....

Penak e Nulis Opo Ngene Iki ?????

Wes a? Yokpo ngene iki? Bingung kate noles opo! tapi inspirasiku iki lohh .. Membabi buta.

Persahabatan a ? Cinta a? Uang a ? Utang a ? Owalah orep .. orep .. !

I wish I could be the one who really understand What is Life?

Kabeh wong duwe pengertian dhewe-dhewe rupane. But, at least I can still be grateful of all of this. Everything that "educates" me become well (well, better i think :-p). This life is so hard , yeah indeed. And that's enough! Please!! Jangan membuatku ingin mengupasnya dengan bahasa yang bertele-tele. Hhhuffft ... (Yeahh , Did it :-D)

Or ... talking about something that really shocking!! Embarrassing?? Dishonor?!

And I surely can say : "Sucks!" Some people will say : "Owh My Gosh !! How come ??"

Yo iso ae Lek, Lek . . . . Opo sing Gak iso ndek Ndunyo iki? Heheheh , metuek yo aku? Sorry , ya mungkin aku sesaat tadi mengalami sebuah Spontanitas Dewasa Mendadak. (Hadahh .. sak enak e dhewe aku lek ngetik rek, Pecatttt !!)

I'm saying this : "Life means Learning." Yeah , aku merasakan dan aku mendalami. Apa yang aku alami saat ini adalah belajar , memahami , menganalisis, mencoba-coba (Mencoba-coba??? sek rek , iki benar-benar denotasi. Tolong jangan beranggapan lain :-p). La gurune? Sopo Beth? Yo .. awakmu dhewe iku ..

Onok maneh sing ngomong : "Life is a game." Yang aku tangkap adalah , kita sebagai lakon dalam sebuah game untuk mendapatkan score tertinggi. Contoh : Aku harus bangun pagi besok! Jika aku bisa, maka aku menang dalam game awal ini! (Heheheh , menurutku this is ridiculous, tapi yo wes lah. Gak duwe bahan gae njelasno ngene iki.) La trus Musuh e sopo Beth? Yo awakmu dhewe iku ..

Loh? Kok iso? Relasine? Adakah Eksplanasi nya? Okay! Stop ... Gak usah kakean takok, definisikno dhewe!

I just don't know, seems like I'm on my full emotion when i type some words here. Biasa .. Lagi Gendeng (xixixixix) . Sepertinya, aku menumpahkan sesuatu disini. Ya, yang mungkin nggak bisa aku implementasikan dalam sebuah ucapan yang keluar dari mulutku. But, it's not over. I have my own way to express it. I know how to deal with it! Yeahh . . .

Guys, aku mulai capek dan lelah dengan pemikiran yang mendadak mencuat dari otakku dan sesegera ingin disalurkan. (rek , iki maknanya mendalam loh gak vulgar! hahaha)

lanjut==> What I've learned today is about Hardness. How hard? Dunno ... Just feel it. You have your own tricks to deal with it. I believe everyone is genius! I can learn something from you guys. Thanks for being you. I appreciate it.

Betha,

dengan otak yang menggila.

-Love The Way You Lie-

I love the lyric and the video

:'>

Yangti

Yangti, If I were so close to you. I'll tell you everything that happen in my life. So far, I've been doing the best things for your love one(s). I can see that you could be so affected. In my dream I saw you text a message on a white board with your marker "Thank you so much". I didn't understand whom you thank for? Then, I just keep my question cause you didn't even notice that. You're just smile at me so sincerely. And I could feel that you're so worry about me, about us. You're doing a lot of things in your family. You're so dedicated. I would be very Thankful if I have chance to have a little chat with you.

I'm sorry, I just can't stand with this circumstance. I try to control this such a Giant Emotion, but seems that It keeps hurting me inside. By saying this : "Past is Past" isn't working well. I'm weak indeed, but I'm strong (Gosh?? I can't even say the right phrase though it based on my unexpressed feeling!! Pathetic (-_-)). I lack of Inspiration. But, this is a heart call. I must express it soon, or I'm dying. What a Phenomenon !

I need you to respond it, Yangti . I need you to do something. You're the only hope.

I make wish, say a prayer everyday for us. Best thing for us, yangti. Tell me something i don't know. Tell me something good. Can i make a dream come true? Soon? or again and again, I must be patient and have a longer waiting? Does it hurt? Does it tear me a part? I really wanna know your comment about me. I keep learning to do everything to make everyone respect me. But, sometimes it's hard sometimes it's too easy. The more thing about you, I'm learning everything to make you happy and satisfied by me.

I wish, you could be here. Listening to me, giving some advices. There're some more things you don't know. But. no worries. You're gonna know. Thanks Yangti. All i hope for right now is you. I can feel that we're so closed, yet so far.

Love,

Betha

Beth

October 11, Ndronk, Love

October 11 last year was not the same just like this year. One day after My Daddy Passed away, but I never forgot what i have to do, at least i still could text him : "Happy Birthday, Darling :-) I love You." And of course, This year is much better than last year. I made a little surprise to My Ndronk :-p. So, i name it Revenge. Last year, he really made a big surprise for my birthday. Yeah, this is my turn to shock Him.

Well actually, this is a simple surprise and I didn't even plan it seriously. But, in the morning i had little chat with my two friends (Arin and Ipin). And suddenly I really wanna make a little plan.

First, I reserve a little tart with the candle (33) to my friend (Nana). Then, something happen and it little ridiculous. (hohohoh, no need to share :-p)

Second, I made a plan with Arin and Ipin about the perfect time , bla bla bla.

Then, Fortunately. I got the perfect time! Ipin came to his house earlier. Then he contacted me to come soon , while Ndronk is still took a bath. Hohohohho ... Show Time!!

I and Arin enter his room, we together prepare to light the candle. And .... Perfectly !! Exactly the same thing as I plan happen!! When he entered the room after taking a bath, Viola!! Happy Birthday to you ... Happy Birthday to you ... Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday To you ... Hohohohoh ..

I can see that He was really ashamed. Then, he could just smile and looked at me so happily. Then, we're all together tell him to Make A wish and blow the candle, :-* mwaaahhhh !

Guys, sorry for the bad pics ^_~. But, one thing i wanna share with you all. This is about our Commitment :-). He said something that really really make me so blown away and affected T.T.

This is his statement : We have committed for our future and the children. I must marry her, I won't let her go. We must be united, If not This isn't our will, But God's. One thing I know and He knows for sure, our commitment. That's all. I love you and your two little angles darling.

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1.03.01

October 7th and Love

I used to Make a Wish on My birthday ... I was so happy that early in the morning some people text me saying Happy Birthday. My friend, my love, my family. I'm grateful for the day (October 7th, 2010).

Nothing special on My birthday, though I'd expect for more spectacular than last year :-p. But seems that, i must face the circumstance. And of course, It's not what i expected. Being hurt by someone we love in the day. Never imagine before, I got nothing to do. Just depressed, hurt, so sorry, disappointed, those kind of evil things i hate. I hate it so Much! These only can kill me ...

We broke each other, our heart , I just can say : "It's not Fair! This should be my party, celebration, surprise! But What is it All about?! Killing me softly? Owh Gosh ... Gimme a break!" Those kind of complaining was coming out from my mouth again and again. So i walked alone and crying. In fact, I'm just a kid. I need somebody to help me. No! Nobody, but You! "Please ... heal me .. heal me .. heal me .. !"

But, I wanna die! I grabbed a big hard black stone. Throwing this Rock to My Head! Let it Bleeding, so You'll come and save me. Could it be? But ...

I heard the sound of a little girl burst into tears and saying this : " Mama ................. Mama ........!!!" I didn't care. I ignored it. But what the heck is happening??!! I recognized this voice. This voice is .. Jevira.

Oh Gosh! I knelt down, just realized. My lil' angel call someone. Her Mom. I'm her Mom. Oh no, Another Mom *sigh*. And so it is. He found me. Hold my hand, then saying : " Let's go Home."

And when I'm home, I locked my self in to a room alone. Some of my friend wanted me to get out. Once again I ignored that, but He broke the door, then Hug me Tightly. Oh, the Power of A Hug. It effectively Heal me from My Wounds.

While I'm Hugged, He's whispering : "Did you ask Do I love You? I LOVE YOU. How deep? SO DEEP! Please don't be naughty I AM NOTHING WITHOUT YOU, I NEED YOU! I'm sorry Honey .. I love You! Don't make me suffer. Don't leave me. Don't hurt me, coz When you hurt me You hurt my Lil' Angels, Our Lil' Angels. I'm so sorry.

Oh .. The Power of Love .

I feel so regret. I know He loves me. I love him too. I don't wanna make you hurt honey. I LOVE YOU. I'm sorry for making you so worry. I never meant to do you harm. Don't waste your time on Me, You're already The Voice Inside My Head (Blink_IMU). It's something for you honey ...