October 10 last year, The day that I loss someone i love, someone i'm proud of, someone who's very strong and firm and surely he strengthen me in trouble some i have had, someone who's watching over me every time, someone who's my inspiration.
Dear Papa, I love you the way you are. You are really you! I'm giving you this note. It comes from my deepest heart. And I would like you to know, that I need you, I love you indeed ...
I'm beginning to understand life less and less everyday. When I was child, I use to believe that I had actually had the world all figured out, but now, as I grow, I know that having the world all figured out is virtually impossible because I now realize that I will never understand even the simplest things that life has to offer, like why people love who they love, and why people fight with the ones they love the most.
People use to tell me that I was going to go places, that I was the one that was actually going to be somebody... that somebody that my parents never were, that somebody they long for me to be, and that somebody I have always dreamed of becoming, not just to satisfy myself but also to satisfy my family and those around me. Now it is as if my life has taken a 360 degree turn around the sharpest corner of life. I am so confused on everything. I am now beginning to question all of my goals and aspirations in life that I had once set for myself. Life is getting too complicated for me, I'm to the point where I am just living day by day, completely careless to those around me. Though I feel as if I have everything in life that a girl could ask for - I have a lot of friends, family, and a boyfriend that cares for me greatly, I feel more alone than I ever have before. I just have this emptiness inside of me, and I don't know how to fill it.
I say that I am in love, but who really knows what love is? I guess I'm just another crazy teenager, taking one long ride on the Roller Coaster of life. Where and when will this roller coaster stop? Nobody knows, not even myself, all I know is I am ready to get off now. Some days I just wish that I could be totally oblivious to the world and other days I long for people to be around me.
I use to be a very caring person, I would do anything for anyone but now it's as if I have no cares, and now worry about what people will think of me if I don't do what is expected.
I have stopped living by what other people think of me and I have started living how I want to live. I no longer act like the person I am not, I show my true colors and many do not like them. Maybe that is why I am so confused... I don't know who to satisfy, myself or the people that care about me.
I don't think that I will ever understand this roller coaster and why I was chosen to take this ride, right now I don't know if it will ever even come to a complete stop, but until it does I guess I will just keep feeling this way inside.
Your Lil Princess